It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
