i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
