Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
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do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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