very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
