Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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