he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
