The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
