By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
