you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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