I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Four minutes until I can fart!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
