help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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