I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
