After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
