Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
