sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
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AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
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I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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