i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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