How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
