Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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