that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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