Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
