nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize