I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
