I hate your face
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The struggles of a small town man whore
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
