I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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