i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
