we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
