Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
