Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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