If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
