I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize