She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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