You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
