ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Moan for me like Helen Keller
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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