my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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