You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
