who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
