I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
