p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
