Sponge bath it is.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just high enough for therapy.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
