i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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