i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
