I want you more than these girls want KFC
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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