I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
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Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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