Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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