Yo dont text me then not text me
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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