dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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