addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
