Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
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I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
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Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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