He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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