I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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