doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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