drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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