You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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