I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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