I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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