Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
