Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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