I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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