It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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