Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My life is pants optional.
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