I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You pole danced in your parka.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
