Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
