I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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