i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
i think my cat just said my name.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
