goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
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Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
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Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize